My birth mother

I have much on my heart tonight. I have lots of mixed emotions. I keep thinking about my birth mother. Jordan is the age at which I would have been joining my new family in Michigan 32 years ago. 15 months. Such a significant time in my life. I look at my daughter nearly every minute of the day and wonder how in the world could I ever separate from her. I couldn't. I don't know how old I was at my time of relinquishment but I do know I had a connection with my birth mother b/c I have had a connection with Jordan since day one. I understand love and God's unconditional love for us with Jordan. I would do anything to protect her, and yes I would give my own life for her. When I hold her I never want to let her go.

The depth of love my birth mother had for me is incomprehensible. I can't even imagine how difficult it must have been to relinquish me to another family. Everyday I can't wait to see what new things Jordan will do and say. Everyday I love her more and more. My hugs are tighter and the bond is much stronger. I can't help but wonder how in the world she could've given me up. I just don't understand and I hopefully never will. I just know it must have been incredibly difficult and painful, something no mother should have to endure. I rest assured she wanted a better life for me-she must have. Her life's circumstances must have been rotten and adoption was the best option, the safest option.

I wonder where she is today. I wish she could meet me and Jordan and my mom. Does she even want to? I wish I could remember more about her. I wish I could see her in my dreams, what we used to do together before the adoption. Did we chase each other around the house like Jordan and I do? Did we sing and dance all day long?

It's taken me almost 33 years to get to this point. I had to have my own daughter to get here, to yearn for my birth mother. Well I do.