I recently heard an expert on the radio talking about the science of fatherhood. He had many great things to say...except he said the most important thing a father could do for his children is to keep them out of poverty. That’s a big one, for sure. It’s probably number two or three on my list. But pardon me if I disagree for a moment. In my experience the most important thing a father can do for his children is to help them know unconditional love.
If you’ve read this far perhaps you’ll humor me while I share a story. My dad is awesome. That’s the short version of the story. The long version of the story is from my 9th grade year of high school. I was royal screw-up. Some may argue that not much has changed but that’s another story. 9th grade Doug made some lousy decisions mostly due to the lack of development in my prefrontal cortex, I would assume. This is common problem among middle & high school boys. This is one of the major reasons while I like working with middle school kids. Somebody has try to reach them. So 9th grade Doug gets busted by his parents for doing some pretty dumb stuff. Nothing that hasn’t been tried before. A lot of kids do a lot worse. The point is after being read the riot act and being grounded for the better part of my first year of high school, my dad told me essentially that he didn’t even know who I was anymore. I broke my father’s trust. I could see on his face that I had hurt him more deeply than anything I’d ever experienced in my short 14 years of life.
Hurting my dad really freaked me out. Looking back I know why it freaked me out. I wasn’t sure if he would still love me anymore. But he did. He does. He always will. My dad has always been there for me and he always will be as long the Lord gives him breath. I know this because I have two little freeloaders mooching off the system in my house about whom I feel the exact same way.
This sense of security in my father’s love has been worth more to my life than poverty or riches. I don’t consider this a phenomenon unique to my life. I've been in some shockingly poor places in bizarre corners of the world and I saw the same thing there. Kids who have parents that teach them unconditional love go through life with a security that does not depend on the size of their bank account.
One of Jordan’s favorite activities in the whole world has been, I believe, imprinted on her by her father. She loves to have a campfire in the backyard. (This may also have something to do with s’mores.) It can be a dead cold night in January or a steaming hot night in August and the girl will beg me to do a campfire in the backyard. As we sit there basking in the happy after s’more glow I always smile and say “You know, Jordan, people who want more than this out of life, don’t know what they’re missing.” She agrees.
So pardon me for disagreeing with the experts but I don’t believe worrying about finances tops the list. I’m reminded of a George Strait song my father subjected me to among many others while I was forced to listen to country music against my will. (I didn’t claim my father to be perfect.) “Daddies don’t just love their children every now and then. It’s a love without end, amen.”
